César García Urbano Taylor: Real Runners: A Runner’s Journey Toward Healing
When we run there is a start, an end point in mind, but healing takes place during the run between that space. Running became a time for me to think, to feel, to meditate, to heal. It was my sacred space to nourish my body, give motion to feeling and to let pain pound pavement. Although I ran miles, healing took place in inches. It was a slow process, one that took several years. As you get stronger and more conditioned, you can go longer. In healing, I was able to go deeper. I wrote this running mantra and read it daily as a meditation practice until my time came to hit the pavement.
MOVE: A Runner’s Mantra For Healing
The goal: finish the race and finish it well. Don’t make room for negative thoughts to dwell. Train. Train your whole self…mind, body and soul. It’s up for the challenge; embrace what is and stay in balance; fuel your body with the things it needs. Listen; show it grace; set a steady pace; pay attention to where your heart leads. Go; now run the race–not too fast to risk getting hurt, not too slow to risk never getting there. Something comfortable that pushes you: a place you can still find yourself singing, too. That twinge in your knee, it’s like the twinge in your heart. Don’t ignore it; don’t give in to it; don’t stop. The pain will give way to a newfound strength and energy, one where you feel lighter on your feet with more air to breathe. You and trail are one. Synergy: you’re really moving now. The mile markers fly past; you know you will get there. The high is real, it’s pure; you are a survivor and you know it for sure. The finish line in the distance–you’re headed that way. You can picture it, so you run on today, ignoring any resistance.
While I didn’t consider myself a poet when I wrote this, it seemed to just flow out of me and became my running affirmation, my mantra. It helped me stay focused and allowed me to see its purpose. When guilt of taking time for myself ran rampant, I read this mantra and found solace in how running for myself, for healing, could be a selfless act. Giving to myself and finding peace in my run, in this journey called life, would allow me to be there for my family in ways that I hadn’t been before.
My runs became symbolic of where I was emotionally. Some runs were hilly and full of tough climbs, while others were flat with beautiful ocean crashing through the landscape. I ran through trees and pastures. California, Texas, Arizona, Colorado and more all became places that my feet explored. I saw these places in a new way and found myself along the way. I knew that all my life I had been running from something; I didn’t want to see it, didn’t want to feel it. The time had come where I needed to run toward it, not from it; to face it and feel.
I run
From what?
To what?
Stop
Still
Close my eyes
Feel everything and nothing all at once
Arms extend
Toward the sky I reach
The sky falls down, not on me but in me
The clouds a soft place to fall
Fresh air
Breathe out the old, in the new
Weightless
Free
A bird’s eye view of what’s important
High above pain, worry, fear
Floating through a field of clarity
Reflecting beauty
Space
Calm
Feet back on the ground
Feeling sand
Seeing waves
Standing tall
Proud
Present and still
Picking up one foot at a time
I run
My past a gentle reminder
My future a hopeful glance
My present I am in, my motivation
I run towards peace, joy, happiness, and true self
For quite some time my runs were about pain, about hitting the ground and releasing anger, letting tears flow as my body grew tired. Then my runs and my healing became a more beautiful thing, about seeing the new. The aches and the sore muscles were just my soul and heart being stretched. Stretching and learning what it means to be me, no longer trying to forget. My stride became stronger, my muscles began remembering the route, leaning in to forgiveness and enjoying the pursuit. No longer did getting ready for my run take work; I looked forward to running, wondering what I might learn. I began finding joy in the journey of the run.
On my run I see so much
The musician on his guitar, sound given to emotions
The artist behind his canvas, images given to soul purpose
The athlete pushing the pedals, giving motion to dreams
The onlooker at the edge of the waves, filling her heart inspiringly
The people out enjoying the day, finding good in what could be seen as mundane
And me, on my run
Seeing so much, embracing this run we call life and soaking it up
One last run on the beach before I move on
The unsettled sea, not scary to me
The crashing waves a reflection of the exciting uncertain treasures the tide will bring
Grey clouds in the sky speak less of storms and more of nature’s healing waters
Like the surfers I watch riding the waves, I stand up, get my balance and open my soul to the thrill that’s about to unfold
And when I crash, because I surely will, I’ll find beauty in it and get right back up
Letting the tide, the clouds and this run I’m on show me how to move on
And I run on. I continue to heal, for it is a process–one that takes you on interesting runs. The goal is to find the unexpected beauty in it all.
Unexpected beauty
My stride cut short
I see unexpected beauty
It’s all around me
A leaf, outstretched edges
Like wings
Floats, weightless on the breeze
No resistance, just flow
It lands exactly where it is supposed to be
The wispy clouds move and shift
A heart is formed
Pure and perfect white against the brightest blue
The sky speaking truth to me
A familiar face, no name needed
I’ve seem them before
A reminder of connection
In a great big world
A gift, no feeling alone anymore
The rays of yellow light
Fall on my body, touch me
Warming me
Feeling the awesomeness of this place
Drink it, soak it up, let it be
My stride cut short
I see unexpected beauty
It’s all around me
Related:
“I Am She. I Am Runner.” This Poem Is All Of Us
This Poem Describes The Nerves Of Your First Start Line
A Poem About Pursuing The Scary Things We Want
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